Oh Dave, you always know.

So today I was rockin' out to my Itunes while cleaning up and this little gem of a song came up. Decided it described my life perfectly right now.   

To change the world,

Start with one step.

However small,

The first step is hardest of all.

***

If you give, you, you begin to live.

If you give, you begin to live.

You begin, you get the world.

If you give, you begin to give

You get the world, you get the world.

If you give, you begin to live.

-Dave Matthews Band "You might die trying"

I think this song explains the life of a Peace Corps Paraguay volunteer almost too perfectly. One of the first things you notice about Paraguayan culture is how extremely interconnected all relationships are, whether it be business or socially related. One obvious reason being that they are possibly related within at least four degrees of separation. Additionally, it is because almost everything develops from well recognized relationships. People do not interact unless a strong friendship or association bonds trust between them. Unlike in the states, where professional reputations are always relied upon, Paraguayan culture depends on who you know well to make sure something gets done. That's where our hard work begins; creating a trustful relationship with the people in our community. Just like Dave says...the first step is hardest of all. Fortunately, I think I'm finally getting there with many of the people in my community. However, there's been a few hiccups recently. Most are directly related to the incessant gossip that partially defines their culture. Let me explain. As you may already know there was a Women's Committee previously formed to my arrival. To my knowledge these are the women who can be somewhat credited for my presence. At first, they were very helpful and had a very organized plan for my first three months here. Once I expressed that I was no longer interested in moving families every week (because for some reason they thought that I needed to live with each family in the committee before living alone and there are at least 30 of them) I asked to stay longer and the current host mother that I was staying with was not okay with that. She asked me if I could move to another house. That week I went to the meeting and asked the women who I could stay with next and not one hand went up. After being assured that they were only too nervous to host a vegetarian, I went elsewhere (to families outside of the committee) to find housing. A lovely mother warmly offered her house to me. I immediately felt at home and decided that I did not want to move until I would find permanent living after 3 months. I then learned later on that these women became jealous that I was enjoying my time with someone outside of the committee and spread gossipy lies about how "she stole me away from the house I was living in and forced me to stay in her house". Not only was this incorrect but it really hurt the feelings of my new host mother. And this is just a small blog-appropriate example of their gossip. 

Second hiccup. After a month or so in this house a senora came and offered me a house down the street for the duration of my stay. Since this house had all the furniture I needed I moved in. She seemed to be really accommodating and helpful. I got caught up in the "tranquilo" Paraguayan attitude and forgot to sign a lease with her. To my surprise her son came back and wants to move back in at the end of November. Without a signed contract I have found myself out of luck. The really awful part is that I've spent most of the settling-in money Peace Corps gave me on building a garden, a compost fence, fixing up the house and new cooking appliances. Even worse, I was told by the son that his mother told him that she was only going to rent to me for two months. Basically, she lied to me and now I'm out of enough money to buy the essentials to occupy an empty house. By the way, I found out about this through my neighbor and her other daughter, she has yet to confront me and tell me any of this information. Typical non-confrontational Paraguayan problem-solving skills. 

In general, I have discovered that I will have to somehow deal with how jealous, gossipy, timid, and non-confrontational my new friends will be. Just goes to show that being a Peace Corps Volunteer is every bit of the 24/7 responsibility required of you. 

Understanding the real process and benefits of being a Peace Corps Volunteer is again melodically revealed in the second part of my lyric. We are here to GIVE ourselves to a cause. We give our time, patience, compassion, and focus but in time we begin to live a whole other life that gives us a chance to look at the world differently or understand it in ALL of its complexities. I open up, become vulnerable, study people, wonder, and level. I hit a fews rocks and have a few hiccups but I'm beginning to learn the variability of the world. 

That's my Deep for ya.