Toughest job you'll ever love

"It's the toughest job you'll ever love..."

After arriving in Miami for Peace Corps Staging I heard it for the first time. In training I heard it about a thousand times, but I don't think I've really quite understood its' wide range of meanings until now. Yep! My 8th month in Paraguay has just passed. It's a little crazy to think about because there are definitely times where I feel like the time has just flown right by but then I stop and realize my timeline here. I only have 19 more left! Seems like nothing and so much at the same time! That might seem weird to say but I guess you'll have to join the Peace Corps to understand. Anyways! Back to the quote...When I heard it first, and honestly during all of training, I thought "yeah I it's going to be a tough job and I'll have a lot of battles along the way but I'll see results and it will all be better and totally worth it...if I just work hard enough I'll see those results!" However, the biggest misconception of all that is that you don't realize how to interpret your results or really what results are as a Peace Corps volunteer until you do. It takes time and practice just like everything.

I can't begin to explain how many times I have felt like a complete failure over the last couple of months. I try putting my best effort into my presentations, classes, and projects with the school and the people of my community, but the reality it that sometimes it just isn't meant to be. For example, I have been trying to get across to the middle school/high school kids by entering the classroom and presenting about topics there and trying to teach english. The second I had my first class with 7th grade I quickly realized that a large group of these kids are there to fool around. Just to be there. A chance to interact with friends and play futbol. They could give a rats ass about my presence (excuse my bluntness). At first, I was really angry and I felt rejected. I was asked to come by the teachers to help teach and I come with fun, interactive, and didactic materials, why wouldn't they want to learn? After a while I began to realize that there are a few from every class that are really interested in absorbing anything I throw at them but are just too verguenza (embarrassed) to show it. At this age, kids begin to think they are "too cool for school" and I think being the one who isn't and actually cares to educate themselves suffer because they don't want to become the outcasts. Now this is just a generalization and a small example of my school, so I don't want to make any conclusions here. Yet, I do want to mention that I think it had also taught me to compromise my expectations for my own mental well-being. At the end of the day I am only one person who is  completely challenged by language, cultural, and social differences at every moment. At first I guess it's depressing to realize you can't help everyone, but then you also realize that the reason you are here is too focus on the ones your CAN help. Even if that may be one or two people in one classroom. I now realize that if I can get across to those people I will create models for the rest of the community. Once other people realize too that learning new things can be fun and interesting, more will eventually follow. 

For this very reason I decided to hold a meeting for a Youth Group. I want to create an atmosphere that promotes free thinking and leadership among people who have the motivation to do so OUTSIDE of the classroom and away from distractions that are unfortunately common there.  In this atmosphere I want to teach and work with these youths about my Peace Corps Rural Health & Sanitation goals and of course fun things too like camps and excursions. I'm hoping it will be an easier approach to creating behavioral change among the youth here in my community compared to forcing it down the throats of every child in the schools (even if they aren't interested). Basically, I want to work with people who want to work with me, which is actually our first goal as Peace Corps Volunteers. 

Goal #1: "Helping the people of interested countries in meeting their needs for trained men and women." I know it says interested countries, but I like to think it can also mean individual interested persons too. 

In retrospect, I think getting to this point and realizing that I need to focus my audience to be more successful among youth is the tough part of this job that I love. 

Last saturday I held my first meeting for my Youth Group ages 13-18. I had about 28 show up out of the first 50 who originally signed up. That may seem like a huge downgrade but it is more than likely that number is a reflection of what I just mentioned above. It is even better for myself personally because I can start out with smaller numbers and improve myself as a better teacher simultaneously. At the end of the meeting we came to the conclusion that almost everyone is interested in learning english and all of them want  to start raising money for trips and camps for their summer vacation. Our first attack at fundraising will be Noche de Cine (Movie Nights) at the high school every friday. We are planning to charge a small fare for entrance and will have snacks and refreshments for sale as well. After the meeting I personally felt so refreshed and we all seemed to be really excited for all of our plans. I think I've tapped into something good here :) Let's see shall we!

Overall, I think what I've learned from this is that you have to find the right people and direct your energy there. After a while you begin to realize that improvements, progress, and successes are going to look and feel much different than what was originally expected. I needed to change my point of view, just like they do to understand me and what I'm doing here. Also realizing that it can be tough to love this job. Not everything I'm supposed to be doing here is going to be successful or fun and even getting to the point where I can find out how to be successful will be hard too. Yet, little moments like a smooth responsive Youth Group meeting is so worth it.